So you just saw Chyna’s muscular, pocky heiny get befouled by a greasy little dude, and you’re pretty sure you could wrangle up a drunken girl with five kids and low self-esteem who want to make a movie as well. That’s fantastic. I’ve thought about it, but every time I bring it up, I’m treated with disgust. Apparently, Internet comic CHUDs aren’t cut out for movies. But the concept is still sound, right?
The idea of a homemade porn tape is now more accessible than ever, thanks to a slew of C-list celebs and low-budget websites. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to hump on camera? Not for me. Not you, sir. Not a single person. But take note: some things should not be captured on camera.
Why You Shouldn’t Practice It
For some reason, real porn inspires us to create amateur porn. But remember this is not meant for everyone, take a look at Screech. He offers nothing to the table, like a starving, shaved orangutan. Real porn actors and actresses are recruited from the Midwest’s finest broken homes and given top-of-the-line plastic surgery and full body make-up. Have you ever heard of the term “asshole bleaching”? Pornstars do it.
A pornstar is so dedicated to their profession that when they are offered constructive criticism on set, such as, “Hey, Starla, I noticed your anus is looking a little dingy, maybe look into that?” They plan to go to the ass bleaching salon later in the day and have a stranger apply some sort of pigment-reducing spackle to their crapper. Right on target!
Conclusion
The issue about homemade porn is that it is supposed to be videotaped. Have you ever noticed how often men find themselves into the most horrifyingly uncomfortable positions? That’s to make room for a sweaty man with a huge camera who wants to use a fish-eye lens to perform an unlicensed colonoscopy or some other type of interior evaluation. So we have a variety of perspectives and positions that require the actors to hump around corners and engage in visually spectacular but horribly unsatisfying acrobatics.